


Falling is the easy part

by SilverSickle30304



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: JiHan, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 19:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7186223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSickle30304/pseuds/SilverSickle30304
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To a few, love is as easy as breathing, but not to Jisoo it isn’t. The hardest thing in life comes in the form, well not a form, but emotion. Yes, the emotion of love. Falling in love is the easy part, but actually getting that person to love you back, well that’s the hard part. Jisoo’s already done the easy part. He’s fallen in love, and he’s quite sure that he fell for the one person who will never love him back. He’s fallen for his one and only best friend: Yoon Jeonghan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling is the easy part

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it!

_Love doesn’t come easily to some._

 

To a few, love is as easy as breathing, but not to Jisoo. The hardest thing in life comes in the form- well not a form- but emotion, yes, the emotion of love. Falling in love is the easy part, but actually getting that person to love you back, well, that’s the hard part. Jisoo’s already done the easy part. He’s fallen in love, and he’s quite sure that he fell for the one person who will never love him back. He’s fallen for his one and only best friend.

He isn’t just any best friend. He's Yoon freaking Jeonghan. The first person who befriended him when Jisoo had recently moved to Korea from the states. Jeonghan was the only boy who accepted Jisoo, a foreigner, with open arms. Yoon Jeonghan the boy who changed Jisoo’s mind about who he could and couldn’t fall for. Before he had met Jeonghan, Jisoo grew up thinking that a man could only love a woman. It wasn’t until he had meet Jeonghan that he realized that no, he might be a man of God, but Jisoo knew he was right in falling for Jeonghan. Falling in love is the easy part, but having them reciprocate, well that’s where things get hard.

When he first met Jeonghan, Jisoo thought he was a bubbly guy, a guy who let no one tarnish his good graces. Someone who let no one talk him, let alone anyone down. But he soon realized that this was nowhere near who he really was. Inside all that bright and bubbly personality was a lonely man. A man who went from person to person, hoping, dreaming, that one day he could find his love of his life. Searching, but not knowing that maybe, just maybe, Jisoo was that person who could be his rock, his other half, the one who could take care of Jeonghan. But this was something Jisoo could only dream of because he never voiced his thoughts and so time passed by. They graduated high school together, they went to college together, and they even moved in together after college, but Jisoo never said anything. Not a word, not a single syllable was uttered about how he truly felt.

 

 

_Jeonghan fell in love._

 

He thought he had time, but it wasn’t after their first job that everything went astray. Jeonghan, being the hopeless romantic he was had met a guy, and Jeonghan thought that man was the one. He saw the glint in Jeonghan’s eyes whenever he watched him talk about how he loved the idea of finally having a boyfriend. He endured as Jeonghan talked about how he would love to go to different places with his boyfriend. But to Jisoo there was something missing in Jeonghan demeanor. Jeonghan talked about how he loved having a significant other, but Jeonghan never really talked about his boyfriend. He never talked about who his boyfriend was, what kind of person he was, or even what he liked about him. But Jeonghan none the less moved into his boyfriend's apartment days later. 

Jisoo was never one to cry, but that day he felt completely lost. Losing someone is the worst pain in the world, but knowing you could have done something to prevent that loss hurts even worse. So he cried that night because he knew, he could have done something, anything to get him to stay, but he didn't. He cries because being in love hurts, it hurts far more worse than he thought it would. Jisoo tells himself that it's okay because Jeonghan is happy, and therefore he should be too.

  
  


_They rarely do meet now a days._

 

“Don’t worry,” Jisoo remembers Jeonghan saying with a sad smile.

“We’ll see each other every day.”

And they did. They met everyday. And Jisoo was happy for that. He might not be living with Jeonghan, but at least he gets to see him everyday. But everyday soon turned into twice a week, once a week, and now they rarely do see each other. Jisoo knew this would happen. Those sad eyes that Jeonghan would say goodbye with lets Jisoo know that Jeonghan knew this would happen. And thus, Jisoo felt miserable because he had lost the one he loved. He let his love, his best friend go. Maybe he should have insisted on seeing Jeonghan everyday? Maybe he should have held on to him and never let him go? But the damage has already been done and Jeonghan has already slipped from his grasp.

And it hit him: He was now truly alone.

 

 

_He remembers when it started_

 

That day he wishes he could burn it away from his memory. It was the day after Jeonghan’s nasty breakup with his boyfriend.

Jisoo remembers it clearly. He remembers how he ran to Jeonghan’s apartment after he had heard him completely break down over the phone. He remembers how Jeonghan looked completely fragile and broken. Jisoo felt enraged. Who could do this to his Jeonghan? Why? Jeonghan was so kind to others. He was so selfless and yet this is how kind actions repaid him: in complete heart break. He felt a surge of emotions. He was sad, confused, and angry. He was confused because who could leave Jeonghan like this? as if he were nothing. He was sad because he had never seen Jeonghan completely break down like this. But off all of those emotions, there was one that took over the rest and that was anger. He was angry at Jeonghan’s stupid ex boyfriend. But he was mostly angry at himself because this could have been avoided; He just had to confess his feelings to Jeonghan, but he couldn’t and now that he has Jeonghan in his arms, he still can’t. He doesn't want to force Jeonghan into loving him. He’s here as a friend. Just a friend.

  


_It’s almost routine now._

 

Ever since Jeonghan’s nasty break up, Jeonghan’s been going through the same pattern. He sleeps with a random person, he cries, he goes to a bar, and he eventually ends drunk dialing Jisoo. It happens every time, and Jisoo’s there for him every time. Jisoo says this is the last time he’ll help Jeonghan because his heart can’t take this anymore, but he always comes back.

Today is no exception. Jisoo practically feels like he sees the future because everyday is the same routine. He’s already faced the fact that he’ll never have the courage to confess to Jeonghan. And by doing so, he isn’t as happy as when he and Jeonghan used to share the same apartment. He used to be happy with just having the opportunity to see him every morning. He could see his flaws, like how Jeonghan’s long hair would look just about crazy when he awoke, how Jeonghan was a little grumpy when he was woken up, or even how plain lazy he was. But that was okay because to Jisoo those flaws were what make Jeonghan. It was the Jeonghan he knew, the one he fell for, not the broken Jeonghan he knows now, not the Jeonghan who’s scared of looking at Jisoo because he fears he’ll see disgust in Jisoo’s eyes. So he just sits silently as Jeonghan’s back is pressed into Jisoo chest. Jisoo wraps his arms around Jeonghan, as Jisoo sits there with him whispering comforting words and kissing the back of his head every now and then until Jeonghan falls asleep. He wonders if Jeonghan knows what he’s doing to Jisoo. He wonders if Jeonghan is slightly aware that by hurting himself he hurts Jisoo too.

 

_Boyfriend after boyfriend, it’s always the same._

 

Jisoo doesn’t need to be called anymore to know when his best friend needs him. He gets out of work at around three in the afternoon as he makes his way to Jeonghan’s apartment. He doesn’t live pretty far away considering Jisoo’s apartment is just a few blocks away from Jeonghan’s apartment. He walks quickly up the stairs as he picks up the spare key that Jeonghan leaves under that mat and lets himself in.

“Jeonghan?” he says as he looks around. He already knows that Jeonghan’s in his room, but he stills looks around to make sure he didn’t do anything irrational. Jisoo walks over to Jeonghan’s room but this time Jeonghan’s not there. _That’s weird,_ thought Jisoo as he walks out of the bedroom and wanders around the flat. He stops as he sees a light from under the bathroom door. 

“Jeonghan?” says Jisoo as he knocks on the door. He waits a few minutes but there’s no reply.

“Jeonghan?” he repeats but there is still no reply. Jisoo feels his heart speed up as he senses danger. 

“Jeonghan, open the door,” says Jisoo as he jiggles the door nob. 

Jisoo looks around as he tries to find something to open the door, but there’s nothing that could help him. Jisoo takes a few steps back from the door as he takes a deep breath and rams his shoulder into the door. It takes a couple tries before he manages to bust the door open. 

“Jeonghan?” he says in a weak voice as he rushes over to a limp figure next to the toilet. Jisoo maneuvers Jeonghan's body so he’s sitting straight up. 

Jisoo scans Jeonghan’s pale face. “What have you done?!” says Jisoo as his heart feels likes it’s about to ram out of his chest. Jeonghan says nothing as his tired eyes wander over to something by the sink. As Jisoo looks over to the sink, he see’s a yellow bottle that is void of any pills.

Oh shit 

“Jeonghan, no,” is all Jisoo says as Jeonghan remains queit. Jeonghan’s eyes falter for a few seconds. Jisoo rushes over to the shower as he twists the knob and water rushes out. Jisoo hoists Jeonghan up from the waist and he hoists him in the tub as Jisoo follows him inside. 

“It’s going to be ok,” says Jisoo. He’s more reassuring himself then Jeonghan whose now unconscious. Jisoo sticks two finger inside Jeonghan’s mouth as he tries to get Jeonghan to vomit all the pills in his system.

Jeonghan will not die, no not on Jisoo’s watch. Jisoo continues his actions as Jeonghan coughs up and vomits on the tub. Jisoo sighs from relief as he hears sobs emitting from Jeonghan and he quickly wraps his arms around Jeonghan’s waist.

“Why Jisoo? Why?” says Jeonghan in anger as he tries to punch Jisoo, but Jisoo doesn’t let go. He stays with his arms around Jeonghan and lets Jeonghan yells profanities at him.

“I was so fucking close, Jisoo. So close,” says Jeonghan as he cries his eyes out. Jisoo remains silent as he feels the water hit his face.

He waits until Jeonghan stops trying to hit him and Jisoo turns off the water as he hops off of the tub and carries Jeonghan, whose still sobbing, into the room. He’s a wet mess right now, but his first priority is Jeonghan, so he grabs a towel and takes off Jeonghan’s clothes as he dries him off.

“Why Jisoo?” says Jeonghan as he sobs once again.

“Shh it’s okay,” says Jisoo as hands Jeonghan some clothes and he helps Jeonghan into them. After he’s finished cleaning him up, he takes Jeonghan into the restroom so he can brush his teeth and get rid of the vile taste in his mouth.

Jisoo takes Jeonghan back into the bedroom as he sits Jeonghan down. “Jeonghan why would you do this?” asks Jisoo as he kneels under Jeonghan. Jeonghan refuses to look him in the eyes, but Jisoo’s having none of it. Jisoo puts both hands beside Jeonghan’s cheeks as he forces Jeonghan to look at Jisoo.

“What drove you to do this?” Jisoo asks once again.

Jeonghan looks at him for a full second as he breaks. “I can’t take it anymore, Jisoo!” he sobs.

“I can’t. I feel so alone and I hate it. I bounce from guy to guy trying to find someone to love someone to hold me, and I can’t find that. I’m alone, entirely alone and it hurts, Jisoo. It hurts!” he cries.

Jisoo looks at Jeonghan with a shocked expression as his eyes start to water.

“But what about me?” Jisoo says softly.

“Don’t I count?” he says as he feels rolling down his cheeks.

“What?” asks Jeonghan.

“I’m here for you. I’m always here to hold you when you feel down. I’m here to comfort and kiss the back of your head when you feel like a wreck, what about me? don’t I count?” he says as the tears roll come quickly.

Jeonghan feels ashamed for making Jisoo cry. “You don’t want me,” is all Jeonghan says as he looks away from Jisoo.

“Excuse me?” says Jisoo.

“You don’t want me, Jisoo. I know you don’t want me. I’ve heard what your religion says about people like me. They detest who I am,” says Jeonghan with a sad voice.

“I’m obviously gay and you’re a Christian. You don’t accept who I am. I love you, Jisoo, I always have, but… but you don’t want me and it hurts, Jisoo, so I have to look for the someone who is like you, but I can’t. Jisoo I search and search for someone like you, but I haven’t found anyone remotely like you. Those jerks I’ve gone out with aren’t close,” rants Jeonghan as Jisoo stares at him in shock.

Jeonghan takes a quick look at Jisoo and he looks away as another round of tears comes his way.

“See what I mean! You can’t even say anything, but I understand if you’re disgusted.” says Jeonghan as Jisoo snaps out of his thoughts.

“Are you daft?” says Jisoo with an enraged look.

“What?! No I’m not,”says Jeonghan.

“How could you think that?! Jeonghan you’re my best friend and I love you no matter what. My religion be damned!”

“I don’t hate you! It’s the complete opposite,” said Jisoo as he held both of Jeonghan hands in his own.

“I was distraught when you decided to leave with that guy. I cried for days Jeonghan. Days!”

“No, don’t say that to me,” said Jeonghan, but Jisoo had to say this.

“No, I need to say this. I fell in love with you and when you left, I thought we would never see each other again, but then we saw each other everyday and I was happy. It didn’t last long because you decided to completely stop seeing me, and it hurt me Jeonghan because I love you so much and-”

“No, please I get it, Jisoo. I was stupid, I get it. Don’t cry,” said Jeonghan as he knelt besides Jisoo and hugged him tightly.

“I’m sorry but I thought you hate-”

“No, I don’t!” said Jisoo in a firm voice. He hugged Jeonghan tightly as he pulled away slowly. They stayed in a silent embrace as Jisoo pulled back.

“Jeonghan can I-,” he was about to ask but Jeonghan beat him it by kissing him in a swift move. Jisoo was shocked at first, but he kissed back. He closed his eyes as he held onto Jeonghan tightly. He was afraid that if he let go, he would lose Jeonghan once again. He pulled away as he saw fresh tears on Jeonghan.

“Are you ok? Was I that bad?” asked Jisoo as Jeonghan wiped his tears away and laughed.

“No, I’m just happy that you love me like I do you,” he said as Jisoo smiled at him. There was a short moment of silence as Jisoo processed everything that happened today. He almost lost Jeonghan. He almost lost Jeonghan forever. He picked up a pillow and smacked Jeonghan up side the head.

“Hey, what was that for!” said Jeonghan.

“You almost died! What were you thinking!”

“I thought we already went over this” said Jeonghan.

Jisoo looked at Jeonghan for a moment before he gave Jeonghan a tight hug. “I know. I know. I’m sorry, its just that I almost lost you forever,” he said as Jeonghan buried his head on the crook of Jisoo’s neck.

After a few minutes of silence, they both stood up and laid in bed. “I’m tired,” said Jeonghan.

“All those pills you swallowed took a toll on you Jeonghan. I’m surprised you’re not asleep yet,” said Jisoo as he kissed Jeonghan head and he climbed onto Jeonghan’s bed as he wrapped his arms around Jeonghan.

“Um Jisoo,” said Jeonghan shyly.

“Are we like boyfriends now?” he asked as Jisoo blushed.

“Yeah, yeah we are,” he said as his chest felt a bit lighter. Love doesn’t come easily to some. Falling in love is the easy part, but actually getting that person to love you back, well, that’s the hard part, but even so, it seems that Jisoo no longer has to worry about that because he already managed to capture Jeonghan’s heart.

 


End file.
